She is in my trunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
