dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
