Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
