We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
