He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Still dying that you shit outside
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
