chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
