4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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