I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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