guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ruined the universe
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