my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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