I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
