i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
