So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
