cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
