I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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