Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
