mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
