matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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