My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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