Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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