i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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