Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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