Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
