The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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