That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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