I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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