and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
