We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
