dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
