DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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