She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
