We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
