whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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