hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
