There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
