We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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