Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
