how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
