That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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