Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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