I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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