Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
