Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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