I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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