Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
