Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
