so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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