I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
