Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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