You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
