U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
