Too much gin, very little bucket
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
