my vag is so smooth its legendary
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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