he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
