I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
