If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
