you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
